A Sneak-peek at my upcoming Memoir;

El’s Story - A Child abuse Survivor Written by El Amethyst

El’s Story is a life journey of survival. A Child Abuse Survivor’s account of her nitty-gritty world, spanning childhood to adulthood. Journey with her as she doggedly shares the “harrowing” story that is her life, whilst never losing faith in Truth and Love.

To all fellow Survivors, You Are a Survivor, Therefore You are Stronger Than You will ever know. The key is knowing where your strength comes from and learning how to tap into that strength when you need it. Everyone is different and everyone has their own special source of strength! We all have our own demons to battle, our own struggles to pull through & our own mountains to climb! Do not diminish your worth by comparing yourself to others, it is our differences that make us unique and beautiful!!

This memoir comes with a **Trigger Warning** especially to anyone who has suffered trauma.


Chapter One; Family Legacy
Chapter Two; Childhood Mischief & Adventure
Chapter Three; Wee Scottish Hame
Chapter Four; A Teen-Angels Cry - Part One
A Teen-Angels Cry - Part Two

Chapter Five; Breaking the spell - Part One

Breaking the spell - Part Two

Chapter Six; A Sassenach’s Nash

Chapter Seven; The Gallus Glaswegian

Chapter Eight; New Life, Motherhood - Part One

New Life, Motherhood - Part Two

Chapter Nine; The Transition.. - Part One

The Transition... - Part Two

The Transition... - Part Three

Chapter Ten; Back to the Basics - Part One

Back to the Basics - Part Two

Chapter Eleven; Tides of change and discovery - Part One

Tides of change and discovery - Part Two

Chapter Twelve; Life backfired - Part One

Life backfired - Part Two

Chapter Thirteen; Roots of Wreckage & Carnage - Part One

Roots of Wreckage & Carnage - Part Two

Roots of Wreckage & Carnage - Part Three

Chapter Fourteen; Cognizance - Part One

Cognizance - Part Two

Cognizance - Part Three

Chapter Fifteen; The Narcissists Path of Destruction - Part One

The Narcissists Path of Destruction - Part Two

My Thoughts & disclaimer

List of People

I go by the name of El Amethyst, I’m a Photographer and an Abuse Survivor, striving to be a Photographic Therapist. Not too long ago it was suggested that I should write a book, that idea was echoed by a few who are close and know my story, I was assured that people would want to read my story. I don’t know about that, I’m not an Author, my strength has never really been in the written word but in the visual expression of Photography, but at the very least it is personal therapy and a story I can leave for my future generations. Perhaps also a legacy for all Survivors out there without a voice, those not believed or heard! It could help the world understand the entrapment of abuse, especially psychological abuse. Over the years I’ve used writing as a coping mechanism, a tool to help me process my thoughts, help me remember, and solidify those memories when I was questioned, and my sanity was under scrutiny! So, a lot of my story is written in dribbles and drabbles, in my diaries in the most unfiltered and personal manner. After our most recent life-changing events I compiled a lot of my written diaries into one document, which documented the history of my family’s behaviors piecing together a giant jigsaw of truth. That was I suppose the starting point of these memoirs. But the daunting task ahead was to compose this into a story format instead of a multitude of facts and accounts, though it looks like it has become a combination of both. I will apologize in advance, at my amateur style and inability to artistically paint words together like the talents of some of my favourite Authors. I suppose there are three parts to my story, the foundations that occurred that led to my birth, my childhood, and how I became A child Abuse survivor, then finally my adult life a journey full of its own kind of perils and hurdles.

Chapter One;
Family Legacy

My roots begin with two strong smart loving women who both believed strongly in family, who both showed great Fortitude throughout their life struggles, never allowing the negativity of these struggles to taint their morals or their attitude towards life, my maternal grandmother and my paternal grandmother. Perhaps saying my roots begin with these two woman are not quite correct, as we have knowledge of our ancestors dating back many centuries, but I would like to think my Story starts with these two woman, it is important to know and remember the positive influences, roots, memories and past, not have them tainted by the negatives. These two women are lovely courageous woman, brave and caring, coping with adversity and doing the best they could with the situations at the time, a hugely different time to what we live in now. The effect they had on their loved ones, the bonds they created, the friendships they made and the imprints on other people’s lives are the evidence of their character and their legacy. So, I am beginning my story with these two women.
Anni Levington and her twin sister were born in April 1919, in Newcastle upon Tyne, her parents moved south in 1934, I never had the chance to meet her, but I’ve heard little snip bits of her life from those who did. She maintained her strong accent despite the move south at 15 years old. She married her husband Dalton in 1940 living on the outskirts of London in the borough of Middlesex. On the 6th of August 1944 tragedy hit the family, Anni’s older Brother died during the war fighting in France. The following year their oldest son Mortimer was born, followed 9 years later by the birth of their son Jerry.
I never met Dalton but from the little I have pieced together my image of him is of a traditional but modern to the time Jewish type family man who worked his way from the bottom to owning and running his own successful businesses, I have been told that his character was the opposite of Anni’s, a very serious business man who rarely smiled, in fact before Mortimer was born Anni separated from Dalton for a period staying with her sister, but she returned to the marriage.
Anni became a very busy woman with the children and helping her husband with the businesses, a television repair service, rental business and pay-as-you-view service, but she still found time to visit her mother and siblings. I have been told that she was the type of woman that those around her would go out of their way to spend time with, despite the difficulty’s life threw at her she was always loving and fun to be around.
Life became more difficult when their Daughter was born in May 1961, she was known as a “turn of life” baby and had Downs Syndrome. Just before or during Anni’s pregnancy their oldest, Mortimer at aged 15 was told to have “enthusiastically” signed up to service in the Navy. There were rumours that this was the act of a temper tantrum teenager fuming with his father for something or other, one theory relates to the Mortimer being expected to earn his inherited business by working from the bottom up, there are a mix of vague stories about this though most relate to a business disagreement of sorts. Two years later while Anni and Dalton worked hard to bring money in and raise their son Jerry and Daughter catering for all the extra needs she required, Mortimer contacted Dalton explaining that he had made a mistake signing up to the navy, he was not happy at all and begged for help to get out. Dalton played the dutiful father and sought advice on his sons behalf, he went to the recruitment office where he had signed his sons papers to request he buy his son out of the Navy, but they dragged their heals insisting there were no compassionate grounds and he would be required to serve his three years ‘boy service’ and at least half of his 9 year signed for service.
Mortimer resigned to being stuck in the Navy obliged to serve his minimum signed period until an incident in 1965 that led him to go AWOL. He and a fellow seaman were in the mess hall, they had switched of the Tannoy system as they disliked the noise it made, they missed a ‘muster of crew’ call and as a result they were arrested and punished with 9 days confinement. Mortimer requested that his confinement be delayed until the following Monday in order to see his girlfriend who was also in the services and due to leave for Germany, he wasn’t granted leave, so he jumped ship to see her and as a result went AWOL in August 1965.
Five months later apparently in a state of depression and penniless he returned home, Dalton insisted he hand himself in and phoned the navy to report his sons return. He was arrested and jailed for 43 days, returning to the Navy service where life had supposedly become unbearable. In August 1966 he was given one weeks leave and he disserted a second time, this then led to a series of legal investigations into the Navy allowing children to sign up, promising easy ways to buy their children out, to have promises broken and a 15 year old to consent to and carry out services for 7-12 years.
I believe this case among others was a changing point for how the services recruited young teens. This information was attained from an online search that uncovered historic parliament documents which certainly seems to collaborate that the story is as true as what was relayed at the time, whether Mortimer spoke honestly of his accounts back then or whether he had already started to manipulate the truth to his advantage is anyone’s guess but this was certainly a story he later told with a sickly narcissistic pride!
Within this period there was evidence of Dalton struggling with his mental health and receiving psychiatric treatment, which impacted on his and his family’s life.
This I’m afraid was the first of many troubles and heartache that their oldest son would cause them. A couple years on Mortimer married and the following year Anni’s first Granddaughter Josey was born, followed by her second Granddaughter Lizzy three years later. Anni never got to really be a grandmother to her Granddaughters or any of Mortimer’s children, I’m sure this was one of a long list of heartaches Anni had to endure because of her eldest’s Son’s life choices. A series of events occurred that forced their daughter-in-law to flee with the two granddaughters, this is where I believe his perversions of twisted narcissism began, or at the very least first started to surface. This isn’t all my story to tell, so you will need to forgive my vagueness in parts.
Back a few years, late in 1929 a few boroughs away In West Ham, Maisie Hawser was born, she is the oldest of four siblings, the eldest of her brothers was born two years later, followed a year on by her sister, their baby brother Kenneth was born ten years later when Maisie was 12 by which time her family had moved to the Maidstone area in Kent. Maisie remembers the second world war quite vividly, she often tells stories of hearing the sirens and the bombs, of the children being evacuated out of the London area. Her Dad became one of those many ordinary hero’s saving lives and property during the war as a voluntary firefighter, Maisie kept little pieces of her Dads legacy in a box of memories.
Maisie’s Dad worked with the Fire Service in Canterbury during the time of the second World War Raids, the Canterbury Cathedral was the target of one of many such Raids, on the night before flares were dropped to mark the site to bomb but a strong wind blew them, so the bombers missed but not by much, there were close calls, the fires blazing through the surrounding houses threatened the Cathedral, Maisie’s Dad came up with the idea to create a fire trap by destroying the houses around the Cathedral to prevent the fires from the spreading to the Cathedral and destroying it. He was later awarded an MBE in his part played saving Canterbury from the many fires; this was presented to him by the queen.
Their family albums tell a story of a close family, smiling, laughing enjoying the simple pleasures of day trips and camping, her Dad and brothers bonded over cars, camping and tinkering, her Dad was your typical tall dark haired man, her mum a petite fiery red head with a smile that would light up her face, her and her sister got their height from their Dad and in their late teens and young adult years looked very similar, both with a head full of mid-length dark thick hair, they inherited their mothers glorious smile, there was no mistaking they were sisters.
Maisie worked as a tailoress, then in a factory, followed almost a decade later she worked in a cobblers where she met Chandler, before they met Chandler was doing service in Gibraltar when a cannon went off, it perforated his eardrum and later when Chandler retold his story he swore that the Doctors insisted he wouldn’t live past his 40th birthday. In late 1953 they got married, they made a dashing proud couple in their photographs, a proud working-class career couple. The war had put allot of people’s lives on hold, from history we know it was a huge turning point for woman, woman’s rights and working woman, it changed the direction of history drastically rearing very fast into what would have then seemed like a science fiction novel.
Over six years on when Maisie was 30, their first Daughter Lilith was born followed two years later by their second Daughter Allisia. When their children were still quite young Chandler had a career change and became a Carpenter, in his spare time he enjoyed weightlifting.
Things became more difficult, when their Daughters were about 10 and 13 around about 1973, because Chandler became very ill, he spent allot of time in a London city hospital where they had specialist heart surgeons, he had to have a pace maker and many more visits to hospital. Maisie would take their daughters to visit him in hospital and then spend the day going to many of London’s famous Museums to try and make those moments easier and less upsetting. Maisie loved sight-seeing in London, those moments are still spoken about with fondness, she had a passion for taking photographs and continuing her family album, something she picked up from her parents. She remembers the details of her very first camera and the pleasure of getting the film developed and seeing her photos for the first time, it is this passion that has allowed for many more bonding moments reminiscing memories aided by these precious photographs.
Chandler built an enormous Avery in their back garden which became home to many different types of birds, they had a large pond that covered a third of the remaining garden that became home to stunning goldfish that grew to an amazing size. Their garden was flourishing with fish and birds by the time their daughters reached their late teens.
Lilith was quite close to her Uncle Kenneth’s wife Monica, she spent allot of time at their house and as far as I’m led to believe she helped out by babysitting their daughter Ailani. At around this time Lilith met a biker whom she started dating, it is said that Monica greatly approved of their relationship, spending time together giving Lilith relationship advice. Maisie and Chandlers relationship with their daughter Lilith became rocky and eventually estranged when she hit her late teens.
In about 1978, Lilith was working at a top rank service station on the M2 motorway when she met Mortimer who I believe at this point in his life was a Fish van driver. Information is quite sketchy and somewhat unreliable on how long they were dating, if you could really call his violent perverted controlling definition of a relationship dating! Lilith’s accounts of her past may be completely unreliable and often laced with a perversion of the truth, but her accounts of her early relationship are collaborated by the family’s instincts and later experiences. Lilith’s younger sister, Allisia remembers the first time she met Mortimer, she was about 16 and working in the local Town Gillingham, Lilith was staying in a bedsit in Barmoral, Allisia had seen him in her room and asked ‘who’s that dirty old man in your room’ Lilith had replied in a perturbed fashion ‘That’s my Boyfriend’. Alisia’s intuitive opinion of Mortimer never changed.
At around this time while Lilith was 18, she fell pregnant but lost the baby, when retelling this story Lilith has told others that she miscarried due to being pushed down the stairs. Her family was unaware of the pregnancy until told by Lilith at a later date but remember her taking a drive to London with Mortimer at the time, they could not rule out abortion, either way she lost the baby at some point during the first half of the pregnancy.
Lilith was trapped in a turbulent, physically and psychologically abusive relationship, she was terrified of Mortimer, she locked this time of life away in her head barely ever speaking of it, the one and only time I heard of any description of this relationship was a desperate agitated outburst in which she described in vague detail of being forced into and experienced varying degrees of sexual abuse with Mortimer and some friends.
Sometime during 1979 Lilith managed to escape Mortimer, but she had fell pregnant again. Lilith met a dashing Soldier called Ted, who became her knight in shining armour if you will, he knew she was pregnant with Mortimer’s child, that she was terrified of him ever finding out that the child was his, they fell in love and Ted proposed, they got married and he promised to raise the child as his own, even legally registering as the child’s father. That child was me. [Author note; bear in mind this is still only in its third draft]
15 views0 comments